Everyone is camping except me and the baby.
It's nice and quiet here at home.
The baby is sleeping peacefully with her nigh-night, as she calls her favorite Swankie Blankie that GG bought her. And I am tucked in my bed with this laptop. So quiet.
But I find myself missing the people that make it loud. The girls that are out of bed several times, until we start giving warnings and taking away privileges. The little cowboy that wakes every night about 1 am and finds himself snuggled between us playing with my hair. However will I sleep tonight without his chubby fingers in my hair? Or his feet in my back? And how will I ever fall asleep without my husband's arms to hold me or his sweet prayers he prays for me every night?
This quiet house stuff is for the birds.
The daily life of our sweet, growing family!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Do the next thing...
I have heard this wisdom from author, Elizabeth Elliot. By far, one of my most favorite Christian authors. Anything written by her, I say READ IT!
Do the next thing.
Just do it. When you don't feel like it. When you are unsure. When you are at your wits end. When you don't know what to do. And especially WHEN you are depressed.
Do the next thing.... hearing this over and over in my head, would get me out of bed, to the breakfast table, change a diaper, fill the sippy cup, give a hug, stop a fight, start a load of laundry... all the things my mind and body were refusing to do.
And slowly over time, after you do the next thing, then the next thing and the next, it would then be time for bed. And I would think, "you made it!"
It's so sad living like this. And as the fog of depression is slowly lifting, for which I am so grateful to God, I still have to do the next thing. But I also want it to be HIS next thing, not mine. Through the depression, there were times when I could not pray. My brain and body didn't have the energy to do the simplest thing. And yet, God knows. He sees the tears, the hurt, the depression. And when I couldn't speak to Him, He would speak to me. What a blessing.
Today, I found the poem.... Do the next thing. And I was amazed and startled and humbled by the poem. My mind will now think so much more, when I think, do the next thing.
Truly, an answer to prayer. Yes, I can now pray. Thank you Jesus!
“Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment my moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, guidance, are given.
Fear not tomorrows, Child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, ‘DO THE NEXT THING.’
Do it immediately; do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His Hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ’neath His wing,
Leave all resultings, ‘DO THE NEXT THING.’”
–author unknown
Do the next thing.
Just do it. When you don't feel like it. When you are unsure. When you are at your wits end. When you don't know what to do. And especially WHEN you are depressed.
Do the next thing.... hearing this over and over in my head, would get me out of bed, to the breakfast table, change a diaper, fill the sippy cup, give a hug, stop a fight, start a load of laundry... all the things my mind and body were refusing to do.
And slowly over time, after you do the next thing, then the next thing and the next, it would then be time for bed. And I would think, "you made it!"
It's so sad living like this. And as the fog of depression is slowly lifting, for which I am so grateful to God, I still have to do the next thing. But I also want it to be HIS next thing, not mine. Through the depression, there were times when I could not pray. My brain and body didn't have the energy to do the simplest thing. And yet, God knows. He sees the tears, the hurt, the depression. And when I couldn't speak to Him, He would speak to me. What a blessing.
Today, I found the poem.... Do the next thing. And I was amazed and startled and humbled by the poem. My mind will now think so much more, when I think, do the next thing.
Truly, an answer to prayer. Yes, I can now pray. Thank you Jesus!
“Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment my moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, guidance, are given.
Fear not tomorrows, Child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, ‘DO THE NEXT THING.’
Do it immediately; do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His Hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ’neath His wing,
Leave all resultings, ‘DO THE NEXT THING.’”
–author unknown
Friday, March 11, 2011
Sunshine and Happy Medicine
All in the same day?! Praise the Lord!
The kids did a little dance with me when the happy medicine came today. AKA hormones. Oh, how I loved ripping open that big white package. Small bottles overflowing with creamy, white substance never looked so good. Soon I will be dressed and slathering on my first dose, all while breathing a silent prayer, "please let this work, please let this work."
And I have hope. God allowed the sun to shine bright today, as to say, "it's gonna be all good." I don't believe God says gonna. But I think He used that word for me today.
Soon, I will be pushing babies in strollers, girls on their bikes and dog on her leash, singing, "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray!"
Switching gears................... very abruptly.
Ash Wednesday was a couple days ago and Lent began. While we have not always followed it's practices, our Advent this Christmas was such a success, we are diving head on into Lent. No FB for me. No barbies for the girls. Till Easter. We started our Easter devotional today. It's a 40 day journey to the cross. SO GOOD for us all! I love how it keeps us focused on what's important.
And I am SO happy to be deep into the Old Testament right now. To fully understand that journey to the cross, you have to fully understand WHY it was necessary. And that can only be accomplished digging in the Old Testament. God is indescribable.
It's really all I can say about Him.
He leaves me speechless.
The kids did a little dance with me when the happy medicine came today. AKA hormones. Oh, how I loved ripping open that big white package. Small bottles overflowing with creamy, white substance never looked so good. Soon I will be dressed and slathering on my first dose, all while breathing a silent prayer, "please let this work, please let this work."
And I have hope. God allowed the sun to shine bright today, as to say, "it's gonna be all good." I don't believe God says gonna. But I think He used that word for me today.
Soon, I will be pushing babies in strollers, girls on their bikes and dog on her leash, singing, "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray!"
Switching gears................... very abruptly.
Ash Wednesday was a couple days ago and Lent began. While we have not always followed it's practices, our Advent this Christmas was such a success, we are diving head on into Lent. No FB for me. No barbies for the girls. Till Easter. We started our Easter devotional today. It's a 40 day journey to the cross. SO GOOD for us all! I love how it keeps us focused on what's important.
And I am SO happy to be deep into the Old Testament right now. To fully understand that journey to the cross, you have to fully understand WHY it was necessary. And that can only be accomplished digging in the Old Testament. God is indescribable.
It's really all I can say about Him.
He leaves me speechless.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Deeper
Depression can drag you so deep. Deeper than you thought possible. To darkness you have never seen.
I feel myself peering over a ledge. Standing at the edge of a gaping hole. A hole of darkness. So dark the bottom is not seen.
I have reached a ledge. A level in the darkness. A place that I can see much more black emptiness below. But thankfully, God is sustaining me right here at this ledge. Just when I feel my feet slipping, He steadies me. His Word. Oh, how I love His Word. And I feel like the Psalmist, I meditate on His Word day and night. If I didn't, I would surely plunge into the darkness below.
I am so deeply grateful. Grateful for the lessons I'm learning. For the faith I am building. And for the love I am feeling. His love. Perfect love. Love that holds you in the darkness, gives you power in weakness, beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning and peace for despair.
He carries me. He carries me through it all.
And I know it won't be long before the darkness fades. Before this time is but a distant memory. And the hours of pain I record, will be reduced to one lump memory of darkness. I won't remember all the times I cried, but only that I cried. I won't remember all the words spoken in anger, except that I spoke in anger. I won't remember the moments of sheer panic, but that I panicked. I will look back and see what I have seen before, a dark time in my life that I don't wish to revisit, but that I see my Savior carrying me through it all.
His blood washes over my anger, depression, sadness, anxiety, thoughts of running away, fear of failing, fear that my children will remember this VERY sad momma. Washes it all. Redeems it all.
And they remember very little and so will I.
For my determined purpose is that I may know Him, that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving, recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and more clearly, and that I may in that same way come to know the power out flowing from His resurrection, which it exerts over believers, and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed in spirit into His likeness even unto His death. Philippians 3:10 Amp Exp
I feel myself peering over a ledge. Standing at the edge of a gaping hole. A hole of darkness. So dark the bottom is not seen.
I have reached a ledge. A level in the darkness. A place that I can see much more black emptiness below. But thankfully, God is sustaining me right here at this ledge. Just when I feel my feet slipping, He steadies me. His Word. Oh, how I love His Word. And I feel like the Psalmist, I meditate on His Word day and night. If I didn't, I would surely plunge into the darkness below.
I am so deeply grateful. Grateful for the lessons I'm learning. For the faith I am building. And for the love I am feeling. His love. Perfect love. Love that holds you in the darkness, gives you power in weakness, beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning and peace for despair.
He carries me. He carries me through it all.
And I know it won't be long before the darkness fades. Before this time is but a distant memory. And the hours of pain I record, will be reduced to one lump memory of darkness. I won't remember all the times I cried, but only that I cried. I won't remember all the words spoken in anger, except that I spoke in anger. I won't remember the moments of sheer panic, but that I panicked. I will look back and see what I have seen before, a dark time in my life that I don't wish to revisit, but that I see my Savior carrying me through it all.
His blood washes over my anger, depression, sadness, anxiety, thoughts of running away, fear of failing, fear that my children will remember this VERY sad momma. Washes it all. Redeems it all.
And they remember very little and so will I.
For my determined purpose is that I may know Him, that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving, recognizing and understanding the wonders of His person more strongly and more clearly, and that I may in that same way come to know the power out flowing from His resurrection, which it exerts over believers, and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed in spirit into His likeness even unto His death. Philippians 3:10 Amp Exp
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Crops or clouds?
So many good and bad things going on right now it seems. I love how God can be sooooo close when it seems things are the darkest. He is speaking so much to me right now in this battle with depression. And I love Him for that. His grace. His mercy. How tender He is to me. So grateful.
One thing He is speaking to me about takes place in the Old Testament. He is guiding the Israelites to the promised land. A very long journey. By day He is a cloud for them to follow and by night, fire. Sometimes He would have the Israelites in one area for a short time and then He would move and they would move. Other times, they were somewhere longer. Long enough to plant crops and see harvest. Long enough for roots. God would move. But would they?
It's hard to leave when you have roots. Any place you have roots. A town, a business, a church, a friendship. But what if the Cloud was moving. Would you move? Or would you choose crops over the clouds?
REALLY, REALLY deep stuff to think about there. And a very timely message for some things happening in our life right now.
Another friend added that she didn't see anywhere in that journey that God specifically asked them to plant crops, as He was providing Manna. That adds a whole other layer to that lesson.
Wow!
One thing He is speaking to me about takes place in the Old Testament. He is guiding the Israelites to the promised land. A very long journey. By day He is a cloud for them to follow and by night, fire. Sometimes He would have the Israelites in one area for a short time and then He would move and they would move. Other times, they were somewhere longer. Long enough to plant crops and see harvest. Long enough for roots. God would move. But would they?
It's hard to leave when you have roots. Any place you have roots. A town, a business, a church, a friendship. But what if the Cloud was moving. Would you move? Or would you choose crops over the clouds?
REALLY, REALLY deep stuff to think about there. And a very timely message for some things happening in our life right now.
Another friend added that she didn't see anywhere in that journey that God specifically asked them to plant crops, as He was providing Manna. That adds a whole other layer to that lesson.
Wow!
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