A Call To Prayer

I am working so hard at this... in the flesh, no success... in the Spirit, blessed.

And since this is a spiritual discipline the Lord has on my daily homework, it becomes my kid's spiritual homework also. I am not speaking this to them directly and they do not know they have been given an assignment. But I ask the Holy Spirit each day to teach this to my children, that all of life is a call to prayer.

Tonight, my oldest, had a tough decision to make. Enjoy the family camp out in the backyard or work on pricing things for a yard sale she had been invited to join down the street. And this was a really, REALLY difficult decision for my entrepreneur. She has sown Barbie blankets, braided friendship bracelets and purged her belongings for days now. Oh, how she loves the idea of making money. Now the hard decision, climb in the tent with daddy and siblings or sit in the house pricing and setting alarms for 5:30am.

The Holy Spirit prompted me. And I spoke. Do you really think you should be spending your time on a yard sale and getting up early, when you could be spending time with daddy? He's really tired and has worked hard to have a camp out with you. And I saw the protest. I knew it would come quick. I mentioned it sounded like she had some thinking to do. It sounded to me like it was time to ask the Lord.

She finds me a little while later. She has tried what I said, but she's still confused. We talked about how sin separates us from God. Maybe confession was in order.

Then, a little while later.... still no answer. I ask, have you spent time in His Word today? No, she hadn't found time for that. Feed your soul, I say.

And then, she comes to me smiling. That smile, that peace. I know so well. The privilege of the Holy Lord God speaking clearly. So clearly, that your heart is bursting with joy. He answered.

Matthew 6:34

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

The Favor of God

Psalm 5:12 ¹²For you bless the righteous, O LORD; you cover him with favor as with a shield.

What a beautiful word picture. The righteous are shielded with favor! Oh, how grateful I am that I am clothed in His righteousness, that I am always shielded with favor. Because every day of my life, I need God's favor. Our Ramsgate house is still on the market after many months. It has been a great faith building event this year. And I know the delay is not a delay to Him at all. I know He has a plan and a purpose in all things. Even this thing. This very hard thing... that touches your money. Ahem, HIS money. Yes, health and money, those two seem to be some of the hardest things to deal with. To continue in faith, in trust. Health and money have been joining hands together this year for a double dose of faith building. Like having to do the elliptical and StairMaster simultaneously. Right! See what I mean? It doesn't even sound possible. But today, I'm just thinking, it must be the shield thing. God's gracious favor shielding us with extra faith, extra peace, extra rest and extra money to make this kind of workout possible. Thank you God for shielding me with your favor.

When you open your eyes....

And all is still dark, what do you do? You prayed last night, as your head found that perfect spot on the pillow, Lord let there be light. And when you wake to darkness, does it mean He does not answer prayer? That He is not listening? It feels that way sometimes. It's one of the enemy's greatest lies. "God does not love you," xo Satan. But if we could really see, which we can't according to 1 Corinthians 13, we see but as a poor reflection in a mirror. If we could really see, we would see the battle all around us. The spiritual battle. The enemy waging war with our soul, keeping us in darkness. And until... until we fight. Until we suit up for battle, Ephesians 6, we will remain in darkness. This spiritual battle is VERY real. This battle is heavy duty. It's life and and it's death. And if you think at this point I'm exaggerating, the question begs the answer, who's side are you on? The enemy doesn't have to kill his own, they are already spiritually dead. If you find that you might be spiritually dead, if the the Holy Spirit is sending off some signals right about now, there is a Savior who LOVES you SO much and while joining His side means a life and death battle..... He WINS! That's right! We may suffer, but our suffering is not in vain. We will reap a great reward in eternity with Him forever. And HE WINS! The enemy knows this and he will do whatever he can to make sure you die before you receive life. So choose LIFE! Yes, it's hard. Yes, it's messy. And yes, sometimes it's dark. But in prayer, His light pierces the darkness and like the sunrise filling the sky with light, His love fills your soul with an everlasting light that can NEVER be extinguished. What a promise!

And all is grace

I will say it again, repeat it over and over, until the words come consistent, like the next heartbeat. Steady and sure. For it is in these days, these deep dark days, that I must say it again, believe with every fiber of my being that which I have learned... "God is good and I am always loved and all is grace," Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts. For I wrestle not with flesh and blood but with powers, principalities and powers of the air (Ephesians 6). My battle felt so fiercely in the flesh and mind, and the enemy continues to keep me there. Flesh, flesh, flesh he taunts in my ear. A CALL TO PRAYER. Every moment of difficulty, a call to prayer. Every moment of desperation, a call to prayer. Every moment of confusion, a call to prayer. Every moment of uncertainty, a call to prayer.

praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints Ephesians 6:18

And I find myself on my face before the throne. And all is grace.

Filling in the gaps...

It seems I've been doing a lot of that lately. Gap filling. All these holes in my life, my heart, my head, my memory. And then the holes in this blog. What can I say about these holes? Especially, when I know what the holes represent. They represent a whole other part of me. A part I often feel reluctant to share or verbalize with anyone, but especially myself. I am not sure I want to fill those holes. And then that's what they become. Holes. I forget very important, very life changing, life altering events. They become part of someone else's life. Not my own.

9/11/01-I remember watching the first tower on fire in my living room in my house in Lowell. Avery was one. She was asleep. Scot was at work. I sat in front of the tv all day watching the tragic events unfold. What I don't remember... the hole from that event? A very big thing to forget. My husband was to be in New York city that day, on that street, right near Ground Zero. How does one block that kind of information from their memory? I have a knack for it. For it wasn't until today, that my husband recounted the events for me, did these memories float to the surface. How at the last minute, his trip was canceled by the bank in New York because they weren't quite ready for the conversion. How the night before 9/11 we were at a football game at the U of A. And the next day, shocked and stunned that he and my brother were not there in harms way. And how a week and an half later, my husband and brother were standing as close as allowed to Ground Zero, me on the cell phone, as they told me what they saw. The most disturbing scene besides the massive destruction, all the missing posters. Everywhere you looked, thousands and thousands of posters. People looking for their loved ones. In late 2001, we would become pregnant with our second child. Her due date.... 9/11.

Recovery Mode

I had a wonderful conversation with Annette Melton today, in which she reminded me of the many who have gone before me. How she has gone before me. Remembers the days she wasn't sure she could make it. How busy, how tired, how weary she was. How she remembers her oldest bearing much of the burdens and what a wonderful man he has become. And it encouraged me so much. I am deep in the valley right now. Very deep. Exhausted and depleted in every area possible. Mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I know it's not the bottom, but I know what the bottom looks like from here. It's just time to take it one day at a time. Recovery.... moment by moment, breath by breath. I need to focus each day on doing some simple things to begin the recovery process. Because everyday my mind is going so fast with all there is to do. And I run out of energy mid morning with a list a mile long. I need to get back to the very basics. Bible, prayer, food and water, sleep. Anything I can add to that will just be a blessing!

Scot's 39th Birthday

Wow! I feel the same way when the kids birthdays come. How is my husband 39? Weren't we just dating, like yesterday? He was 21. I was 17. Seriously? How did this happen?

I looked across the table at him, Friday night, and I was overwhelmed. Stunned by the passing of time, but grateful. Because time in a marriage, is a blessed thing. In this passing of time, from 21 to 39, I have watched my husband become a great man of God. I have been honored to watch God stretch him, test him, mold him into something grand. Those lines he has around his eyes, I know when each one formed and why. The gray, peppered through his hair... I know how much he's longed for it. How many times he has asked me if he getting anymore, with great anticipation, he desires a head full of it. While I, rush to cover mine up. Not him, he's grateful for the aging. He appreciates what the Bible has to say about gray hair. He loves that it means wisdom. It means years of pouring out your heart to the Lord, in deep struggle to stay afloat. He's earned the gray, and he knows it. He feels it. There may be wrinkles forming around those pool blue eyes, and gray through his hair, but he wears them both like a badge of courage. And I am proud. Proud of my courageous husband. He's taken some very bold steps this year. He has stepped WAY out of his comfort zone. He has allowed himself to walk through God's refining fire. I only pray, I can wear my own age with such courage and conviction. He inspires me to. Everyday. Happy birthday babe! I love you!