light bulb moment

To say that life has been overwhelming the past 9 days would be an understatement. They have been more than that. Much more. My mom has compared it to the excitement over a newborn. You have prayed, you have pleaded with God, please let me have a baby. I can't wait for that newborn. I imagine the yummy smell, the soft breath, and eye fluttering sleep. And the prayer is answered. I am holding a delicious newborn, straight from heaven up above, here is a baby for you to love. And two seconds after that newborn is in your arms, reality hits. You are exhausted. You have just been in labor for hours, not sleeping for weeks prior to delivery. Your body has just climbed Mt. Everest and you are holding the sweetest thing you have ever seen and that sweetness will proceed to suck the ever loving life out of you for the next 12-15 months. Your husband can't believe you are bawling your eyes out 4 days into this longed for adventure. He's staring at the mess you are, wondering where his wife went. But you do love this baby and you did want him/her, and that doesn't mean that you don't just because you are asking your facebook friends if a human can die from sleep deprivation. I did find out after one mom's desperate plea, that mice will die from sleep deprivation. So there you have it. It can happen.

And even though I don't have a newborn at the moment. I am exhausted much like my previous brushes with death. Oh, I mean, after the 4 blissful babies I had. I have worked myself to the edge. Battling strep throat all while getting my house ready to sell. Taking a months worth of home improvements and cramming them into 4 days. Yep, that'll do it. I painted until 3 am while running a fever and drinking cup after cup of hot tea because my throat was on fire. Afterwards, I'd have to pop a pain pill just to sleep for four hours and be able to swallow. Now that the sore throat misery has passed and the work hasn't. I. Can't. Go. Another. Minute!

Today, at 8:30 am, carpet men showed up to stretch and tack my carpet. 8:30 am! Did I mention I was exhausted? Oh yes, I did. I am throwing clothes on as fast as possible. And they come in and proceed to tear apart my sparkling clean house. I am in the kitchen taking slow deep breaths while I fill sippy cups and cook biscuits for the 4 ankle biters, listening to KLOVE to absorb some sort of peace for my anxious heart and the news comes on. In between hearing how Obama thinks he's going to help the peace process with Israel and the Palastenians, they casually mention that incandescent bulbs will no longer be available thanks to the government come December. And in that instant, visuallizing florescent light filling my house and those ugly twisty bulbs visible in all my light fixtures, I had a full blown panic attack. That's it. It's more than I can bear. I emotionally cannot handle florescent light. So I did the only thing I knew to do. I told the carpet men I would be back in 30 min. I put the kids in the car, went to Target, bought Benjamin some Lightening McQueen underwear, so I could change him 20 times today and then proceeded to Harps to buy hamburger meat and incandescent light bulbs. I am still exhausted, but the 8 bucks I spent on 4 packs of bulbs helped to begin my stockpile.

Aubrey 15months

On her 15 month birthday, Aubrey decided to walk! What a treat! She is not walking full time, but will try to run between us. She is getting to a standing position unsupported and has been for a month. She has been cruising around furniture for 2 months. She talks a lot. She has added several new words and has mastered her old words, like every one's name. She calls me, "momeeee." So cute. Her hair has gotten longer and is still curly. She is starting to get a curl on the top of her head now. She still has 8 teeth but the molars are starting to show in the gum tissue. Her whole little mouth is puffy. We are still having ear issues. In April, she got another double ear infection that was treated with antibiotics. I think if we could get past allergy season, she might be ok. Praying she does not need tubes like Ben and Abby. She loves to wear her little pearl bracelet every day! She hands it to me off her dresser for me to put it on and she never tries to take it off. Wish I could say the same for her shoes. She likes trying to get those off if she's bored. Her new routine is: up between 7:30 to 8:30, nap at 1 until 3 (or some variation depending on if we make it home in time), bottle at 7:00 and down for bed shortly after. She has stopped waking at night for another bottle for the time being. I have learned after 4 kids that can change any day. So I am just enjoying the right now, like right now she is sleeping. Smile. Her food has changed much. She's branching out with more texture and chunkier type food now that the molars are below the surface. Her favorite thing at mealtime right now? ICE! She loves ice. And eating out is no fun, because she really likes climbing out of her high chair. We are disciplining her consistently, but it is a stage that must pass soon! Overall, she is a fiesty one. And when she's sick she is as calm as she can be. But when she's well, watch out! Watching her with Benjamin has been really fun. They are just starting to "play" together and it's adorable and exhausting all at the same time. I think the cutest thing she is doing at this age is that she is obessed with buttons. Elevator buttons, phone buttons, remotes, light switches, credit card machines at checkouts, our oven controls. Anything with buttons she can press. While we were on vacation, she loved the elevator rides. Once we neared the elevator, she had her finger out and ready and was saying, "butt, butt!" Not button, butt. Hilarious. That's Aubrey Jean!

First I have to say, Florida was amazing. Gorgeous, unbelievable weather and sunshine. Brilliant white beaches and emerald green waters that took my breath away. Florida was EXACTLY what my heart, soul, and mind needed. We enjoyed every single day, despite Ben's sinus infection and Aubrey's double ear infection that sent us to urgent care. Despite all that, I came home feeling refreshed and happy. Even more trips to the doctor after we got home with Benjamin's face and eyes swollen and hives all over his body, even that couldn't diminish my high from the sunshine. God is so good and faithful. He knows what we need before we know. What a blessing that is.

For mother's day, I bought myself Natalie Grant's new cd, Love Revolution. Amazing! I have all her cd's. She NEVER disappoints. She has a song called Desert Song. I'm not even going to talk about it too much because it speaks for itself. Here are the lyrics:

Natalie Grant - Desert Song Lyrics @ LyricsTime.com

At the end, when she sings...

"This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow"

I am just speechless. So profound. I know I am filled to be emptied again. That is exactly what life is like. While Florida was amazing and restorative, I knew in my heart I was being filled to be emptied again. And that process has started. But seeing His Hand, knowing He is in it, I can go on.