Some happy, some sad

Some happy...
Brock has found his thumb. Really found it. Sucking it while in his car seat and (GASP!) soothing himself to sleep. Still encouraging that paci as much as I can. He is also cooing and singing up a storm. Any chance he gets to have a conversation with me, he does. He also would like to sit up as much as possible, is grabbing anything in front of him as fast as he can, and wants constant attention. No surprise there. He is a yummy butterball.

Some sad...
We have been making the rounds at Dr. Vaughn's office for our yearly eye exams and it looks like another member will be wearing glasses. Our sweet little fairy, Aubrey Jean. This momma's taking it kind of hard today. I know she will look adorable, but there are some other developmental things we saw today that are going to need some work. It will be ok. Can't wait to share some adorable pics of her new "pink" glasses. She is actually happy about them right now. Guess we will see once she's wearing them everyday, all day.

29 and holding

The girls are finally getting to have a sleep over tonight with a couple friends. Life has been so crazy since the baby and the start of school. Although, looking back I did let Abby have a slumber birthday party when Brock was only like 8 weeks. : ) What was I thinking??

Anyway, the girls were playing "office" with their friends and Abby was using Brock as her baby. By default because I said, "Here, hold the baby while I clean the kitchen." Avery tells Abby that she is 18 years old in this pretend office scenario. Abby yells, "Avery! I cannot be 18 years old! I have a baby! And I'm married! I'm 35. No wait, I'm 30. No! I'm 29. Yes, I'm 29."

I am washing dishes and just busted out laughing. How is it that whether we are really 35, like me or pretend were 30, like Abby, really we all just want to be 29 and holding baby!

Hysterical!

Playing catch up

Almost every Saturday is catch up day. In a family of 7, there is just no way not to be behind all the time. Today was catch up on laundry, grocery shopping, and cooking. Scot, my awesome, handsome husband, employed the older girls and together they did all the laundry! Woo hoo! For about 2 minutes we will have no dirty laundry. : )

 I did all the food catch up. Empty the fridge, take inventory, plan the weeks menu, grocery shop and cook. I really hate Walmart on a Saturday. But Walmart by myself, I can do that any day! It was like a mini vacation slowly going up and down each isle. No one asking for anything or growing impatient or needing to go potty or throwing fits. It was divine. The only thing that would have made it better was a hot Starbucks in my hand. Oh well, can't have it all.

Tonight I made zucchini casserole, pot roast for tomorrow's lunch, and crock pot peach oatmeal for breakfast.

We also played some catch up on just being together as a family. Lots of hugs and kisses. Lots of playing outside. And for Scot, he even got to watch some football. Wow! We must have an almost 4 month old baby in the house. Wait, we do! I can't believe it but in about a week our B-rock will be 4 months old. He has figured out how to put things in his mouth. He is a happy boy about that. He almost has the thumb sucking thing down. He can hold his head up really well and has developed quite a bit of upper body strength. He loves to stand on our laps, blow spit bubbles, and smile with his mouth wide open! What a cutie he is. He sleeps all night long, takes great naps and unless he's in his car seat, we almost never hear him fuss. Love my Brocky boy.

All my kids are growing so fast. Rapidly changing and reminding me every day how fleeting these moments are.

Owwwweeee!

Ok, I made a really bad decision today and it cost me. I had a dermatology appointment for a yearly check up. She found one suspicious spot on the back of my leg that she biopsied. She said it didn't look like melanoma but it didn't look normal so she removed it. Hopefully, I will hear nothing because no news is good news with them. I talked to her about my other spots that concerned me and other skin issues I was having. Then I moved on to the wart on my finger. Because of my auto-immune issues a wart can sometimes pop up on my hands. This one on my left middle finger has bothered me a lot because of it's location. I've had it longer than a year and other methods weren't removing it because as a mom, I can't keep my hands out of water for more than 30 minutes at a time. So I thought, hey I'm here at the doctor, I'll just have her freeze it off for me.

Last month, when Scot went for his checkup that turned into you have skin cancer, you need surgery, he had a spot frozen on his arm. It hurt but later he said nothing about it. We were more concerned with his biopsies on his nose. So I am at this appointment thinking it's only going to hurt for a minute. The freezing didn't last longer than 10 seconds. But it felt much longer. It hurt, ALOT. I became sweaty and nauseous. The doctor ran out of the room stating she doesn't like to stick around when she's hurting her patients. Such a great bedside manner. lol. The nurse got me a juice and trash can and I read a people magazine article about Snoocky and her new baby. Not distracting enough. I asked the nurse several times, is it supposed to hurt this bad? She assured me that the ends of the fingers are extremely sensitive and to take some Tylenol when I get home. Tylenol? What the heck? This is I need general anesthesia kinda pain!

I get dressed continue to inform the staff that this is crazy painful. I'm becoming concerned that my level of pain isn't normal but they seem to think it is and look at me like I'm a wimp. I drive home calling my mother, because I am very mad at myself and concerned with the amount of pain I am having. What was I thinking? Why didn't I ask more questions? I'm a nurse!

I pull into a drive thru to get a coke. The nausea is really bad, but the pain is extreme. A monsoon has come to town and I'm getting soaking wet ordering this coke. I sit in the parking lot for a few minutes. How am I going to take care of my kids the rest of the day? What was I thinking? What was I thinking? IT was just a wart. It wasn't killing me. It wasn't hurting anyone. Now it is killing me. Oh the madness!

I called Scot to warn him. WARNING, I'M IN BAD SHAPE!

He runs out the door when I get home and says he's sorry I'm feeling bad. But he has an appointment to get back to work. A couple hours and one mega dose of Ibuprofen later my pain has come down from 100 to 90. Brit-bree has come to the rescue. And I can focus long enough to type with one hand. Things are definitely looking up from the path I was on. Thank you Jesus. Daddy will be home soon and I have the stronger pain med in reserve for his arrival. Then it's night night kids. Mommy's going to bed!

This has to stop hurting eventually, right?

Brock's birth: part 2

Scot and the kids got home really quickly to find me on the birth ball in the closet. Scot's eyes were wide as he questioned whether we should go to the hospital or not. I felt like we should just call Shelley. I have had so many bouts of contractions with each child that didn't end in delivery. Just long nights of laying awake. Here I was 39 weeks. So I just felt for sure that this had to be false labor. Although, I feel like false is a misnomer. My body was working hard.

We called Shelley and she came over after she was finished with her last client. She checked me and I was still the same. 2cm and 70%. She felt like if Scot would go get me some alcohol, like a glass of wine, they might go away. And that can work. Dr. Bell said they used to hook women up to grain alcohol IV's. He said obviously they don't do that anymore. Poor drunk babies and mommas. But a little alcohol can go along way to relax the uterus and the body. Alcohol was the very last thing I wanted in this moment. I was incredibly nauseous. VERY nauseous, in fact. Anything to make these contractions stop.

Scot ran to the local liquor store, picked up some Hard Mike's Lemonade, only thing I thought I could stomach. He said a police officer walked in and he felt like he needed to say, "this isn't for me! My wife's in labor and the midwife said she's needs this." We certainly had a good laugh when he got home. So with a drink in one hand, crackers in the other, I was able to get about three sips down. So much for that.

Shelley left about 10pm and encouraged me to just try to sleep. Scot and I watched part of a movie. Made the girls go to bed, promising we would let them know if anything happened. I was restless and tired. We decided to try and get some sleep. I kept a rice heating pad on my lower belly. And kept having to get up and heat it. I was miserable.

About 2 in the morning I decided that getting back in the bath was the only way to get comfortable. I was starting to breath slowly through some contractions. They didn't seem regular and they didn't seem close together, but they weren't stopping. Looking back at my handy dandy contraction app, I decided to start timing contractions at 2:53am. The next 30 minutes looked like this:

2:52 Duration: 1min25sec
2:56 Duration: 1min11sec Freq: 4min25sec
3:01 Duration: 1min46sec Freq: 4min41sec

So at this point, I'm thinking, "ok they are coming regular so far, but this isn't intolerable or anything."

3:07 Duration: 1min5sec Freq: 6min27sec

"I'm definitely not in real labor. These are erratic and some are this last one was nothing. Oh, I just wish this would go away. I'm SO tired."

3:09 Duration: 55sec Freq: 1min38sec

Suddenly, a little note pops up. You are having contractions at least 4 minutes apart lasting longer than 1 minute. You should start heading to the hospital.

I laughed. I didn't even know Contraction Master also bossed you around in labor. Or false labor. lol.

3:11 Duration: 1min7sec Freq: 2min31sec

And then it seemed like forever and this happened...

3:18 Duration: 2min27sec Freq: 6min16sec

Uh, yes my body had been gearing up for that one. I had to vocalize through that contraction and it occurred to me that maybe the Contraction Master knew something I didn't and I should go to the hospital. I thought to myself, "I could just stay in this bathtub and have a baby. But we have no supplies and we didn't plan for it and my husband will be really mad if he has to help me deliver. I'll time one more."

3:23 Duration: 1min22sec Freq: 5:35

And that one hurt, like the last one. And I pretty much thought that I could stay in that bath so long I might not have time to get to the hospital, end up having another baby in the tub, and a mad husband. So I got out of the bath. Put my clothes back on and woke my very sleepy husband. I told him I was tired of contracting and the last two contractions felt more serious. I was worried that I might be progressing and I knew he didn't want me to have the baby at home so we should probably at least go check and make sure nothing was happening.

We called our sweet neighbor to come sit with the kids until our babysitter could get there. I informed her I'd probably be back soon.

I had Scot pray for me before we got out of the car at the hospital. I was anxious and nervous. I didn't want to be in labor and I also did want to be in a labor. It was so weird. But he prayed and God's peace overwhelmed me. The contractions were spacing farther apart and didn't hurt at all.

We checked in on the 3rd floor Labor and Delivery window. I said, "uh, I'm in labor." I know they were thinking, yea right. But once the lady pulled up my info and everyone was now aware this was my 5th, they quickly got me to the observation room. I waddled down the hall, undressed in a flash, peed in a cup and complained about the observation room. It was the loud, earth shaking one right with an elevator running behind it. The nurse said she didn't think we would be in there long but sweetly moved me across the hall. Finally, she checked me in and then checked me. Da da dum.

"You're a good stretchy 5, " she says calmly.

A 5!! What!?? I honestly was shocked and I know looking back that my brain was in some sort of labor, transcendent, birth denial state, but I really was truly shocked. Scot was excited. He started the phone calls and got our bags. I continued in my denial state, slowly letting the news sink in as we moved to a labor and delivery suite. Now I was nervous again. All the questions I had been having about this moment were coming to a head.

We were in a hospital, not at home in my nice warm bath. We were using a doctor, not my precious and dearly loved midwife. There were unfamiliar faces everywhere, not my house abuzz with excitement and my sweet family and friend around. And the anxiety began to build. The hospital fire alarms were going off.

I asked my nurse, "do we need to exit the building?"

"Oh no," she said. "Just an irritating drill."

"At 5 am?" I said. "While women are in labor and babies are sleeping?" Like that's not happening all the time at a hospital. Labor brain.

"Yes, it's upsetting to everyone. We are hoping it stops soon, but they don't tell us."

Across the hall, screams can be heard of a momma in labor. Oh, she's not doing well. I learn it's her first baby and she's 1cm. Wow! Imagine the screams at 10.

Scot is finally back. Contractions are kicking into gear again and I finally have more bloody show.

"Pray for me," I plead. "I don't think I can do this here. I know we are where we are supposed to be, but I want to go home."

to be continued....

D,Rd_jkmmkppppv vvvvv bb Hjjjj

BarreOne

Today I exercised. Left the house, showed up to a class, and got my butt kicked. For the 3rd time this week! Oh, how I did not want to go. It's finally fall. It's chilly, overcast, and raining. I just wanted to stay in my pjs. My fibro certainly doesn't ever like cold fronts. And when I say, doesn't like, I mean pain so bad, fatigue so fierce that I want to tell my husband to come home right now, take 600mg of ibuprofen, and curl up with a heating pad. So I did the most logical thing, I threw on some workout clothes and loaded 5 kids in the suburban.

I showed up to class, 5 kids in tow and I am very thankful there's a playroom to stick them in. It usually takes about 10 minutes for my body to get warmed up and then only 10 more minutes until I'm begging for mercy. She played that song today, "you got me begging for mercy." That was me.

This is one of the hardest workouts I have ever done. It combines yoga, Pilate's, and barre work. It is supposed to give you a dancer's body. Yes, please. But my fibro is definitely saying no. I am pushing up against a hard wall. A wall that has stood firm for over 15 years. This is the year it's coming down. 3 back to back pregnancies, the last one ending with 10 weeks of bed rest, I am determined to reclaim the ground this disease has stolen. For me, for my husband, for my kids.

Exercise is first a battle of the mind, then the will, then the body. Each time I have to psyche myself up at least a day in advance. I am scared to go more than a couple days without a workout for fear that my body will seize up and shut down. It's happened before and it was not fun.

Tomorrow is massage day.

Looking forward to Monday's class.

Check out barreOne on facebook. My friend Jennifer is an awesome instructor and encourager!
She has a special going for October, $100 unlimited! Great deal! Oh yes, and Jennifer doesn't even know I am posting this. This is all my own, unsolicited opinion. : )

Crazy toddler days

Avery and I had a discussion yesterday about a little boy who they discovered after allergy tests and medications and diet restrictions and many doctors that he had a Lego wheel in his nose! Avery questioned who would do that. To which I replied curious toddlers. I said that I was thankful that none of my kids had ever stuck anything up their nose. Until today.

Kid you not, I look up from the stove because my mom radar was going off. And I see a very quiet Aubrey in her high chair, left eye watering and a strange look on her face. And I knew. She stuck something in her nose. I go over and start looking and questioning. What's wrong Aubrey? My nose, she says pointing. Did you stick something in your nose? She nods, tear streaming, panic beginning to set in. I can barely see something in the back of her nose. I send Avery after a bulb syringe. No luck with that except to pull it a little more into view. Pumpkin seed. She had some at lunch and obviously one left on her tray. Tweezers! Get tweezers! Don't cry Aubrey, I can't see it when you cry. Slippery little seed! Three careful attempts and lots of calming words, that slippery seed is out. Lots of relief and tears and lessons about not sticking things in your nose, she's recovered.

Today I just have to say...

God is God and I am not!

God is love.

God is good.

God is more than I can understand, but His truths are evident and simple and alive.

God is absolute truth, as spoken and written in the infallible Word of God, the Bible.

God is merciful, gracious, and kind.

God is long suffering, patient, and holy.

God is judgement.

God is forgiveness.

Brock's birth story: Part 1

Born: Wednesday, June 20th, 2012 @ 9:25am
Weight: 7lbs3oz
Length: 20 3/4in

On Tuesday I saw Dr. Bell for my 39 week appointment. I was 2cm and 70% effaced. I joked with him that he could check me really well hoping he might offer to strip my membranes. But he didn't. He said his usual, "see you next week." Then I handed him my birth plan and said goodbye.

After my appointment I headed to meet Scot and Avery for lunch. We ate at Joes Pizza Pasta and I made sure to order eggplant Parmesan. It's said that it can help to start labor but it has never worked for me. But it is my favorite item on the menu. I excused myself to the bathroom and had quite a bit of blood and mucous. I dismissed the idea that it could be a bloody show because I just had a pelvic exam. I had a few contractions during lunch but nothing out of the ordinary.

Avery went with me to Inscriptions to find a cute wreath or sign to hang on our hospital room door. We found a really cute sign that you can write on with a dry erase marker. I stopped by the grocery store and we headed home. Hannah was babysitting for me and I asked her if she was going to be on call for me in the middle of the night and talked about whether I should call her cell or her home. I also spoke with Marcy and asked if she would mind staying with the kids before Hannah came. Just feeling a great need to get all my ducks in a row.

I made breakfast bread for dinner and I was starting to feel really nauseous and cranky. Scot was taking everyone to VBS at Legacy. I told him I was going to go buy gifts for the kids to receive at the hospital from Brock. I got to Walmart and started to notice a lot of cramping. I couldn't believe how irritable and cranky I felt. I don't know who I was cranky at. The cart, the fact they didn't have anything I needed to get except wrapping paper, the person in the 20 items or less line with 60 items, or the internal struggle going on within. My body is telling me I'm in labor, my brain is saying no you're not. But in that express checkout line with 2 rolls of wrapping paper, all I knew was that I was not feeling well and I wanted to go home!

 I called my friend Michelle asking if she could go buy gifts for me and called Kim and asked if she could wrap gifts for me. Michelle met me at home. She asked if I was ok and kept saying, "you are in labor." I said, "I just feel like I need to take a bath or shower to get these contractions to stop. Once I got in the bath, I called Scot and asked him to come home. I just had a feeling that I didn't want to be alone.

The 9th month

Here I am. The end of this pregnancy, the beginning of a new chapter in our lives. I pray we are blessed with the arrival of healthy, baby boy soon. He is doing great so far. Moving, rolling, hiccuping. We pray we are so blessed to hold him alive and well in our arms. I can't believe we are so close.

 Having done this four times before doesn't make it any easier physically, but mentally I definitely feel more laid back, less anxious. I want to hold him and see his sweet face, but I know it means a big change for our family. I am always feeling like there is not enough of me to go around. Somehow, God miraculously multiplies my love for another sweet baby and our families love for another member. The kids are SO very excited right now. They are definitely more ready for him to come than me.

My nesting is in overdrive since coming off bed rest last week and I feel that I have a million things to do before he comes.

We did so much this week. Benjamin's 4th birthday, working on all the landscaping and yard, having Ben's pool party, recovering and unpacking from vacation. We are EXHAUSTED!

My next doctors appointment is Tuesday. I'll find out my group B Strep status which will help me figure out my birth plan. I have a couple more childbirth classes to attend before that's over. It's so hard to imagine what this birth is going to be like having him at the hospital instead of at home. I have been doing tons of reading and lots of praying. I know God already knows. Praying for peace.

Lord of All

" I believe that every particle of dust that dances in the sunbeam does not move an atom more or less than God wishes—that every particle of spray that dashes against the steamboat has its orbit as well as the sun in the heavens—that the chaff from the hand of the winnower is steered as the stars in their courses. The creeping of an aphis over the rosebud is as much fixed as the march of the devastating pestilence—the fall of sere leaves from a poplar is as fully ordained as the tumbling of an avalanche. He that believes in a God must believe this truth. There is no standing-point between this and atheism. There is no half way between a mighty God that worketh all things by the sovereign counsel of his will and no God at all. A God that cannot do as he pleases—a God whose will is frustrated, is not a God, and cannot be a God. I could not believe in such a God as that." - C. H. Spurgeon



This was shared by our former Pastor, Chris Hough, who lost his 15 year old son just the day before Easter. Such an incredible family and their testimony of faith through this time can only come from God.
Please remember the Hough family in your prayers. 

33w2d

I have been pretty bad about weekly pregnancy updates, and since I spent my first day of my 33rd week of pregnancy visiting L&D, I thought I would update today.

Start fresh.

Last week, at 32 weeks, we had our appointment. The baby's heartbeat was wonderful as usual. I was measuring 33 weeks. I have gained a lot of weight. Don't really want to talk about that. But I have gained 30lbs so far. Yuck! That means I will probably gain 40lbs with this pregnancy. That will be a record for me. I think I gained the most with Benjamin...35lbs? He was big. 8lbs10oz. And I keep saying this is another big boy. But still, I miss the 25lb weight gain pregnancies. We had our third trimester ultrasound. We got a really cute picture of his chubby face. I haven't loaded any pics on this computer so that will have to wait. The kids got to come and Benjamin was absolutely adorable. He was going on and on about how cute his baby brother is. The tech would say, "there is his ankle." Benjamin would say,"awww, look at his cute little ankle. His ankle is so cute. When he comes out, I am going to kiss his little ankle." The tech loved Benjamin. She said after the kids left that we had the most adorable, well-behaved kids. That was really sweet, as a momma on bed rest, doesn't really get to have well-behaved kids. Lol! The baby was measuring in the 40th percentile and weighing about 4lbs. Amniotic levels were good, baby was good, and cervix measured 2.6. No funneling.

As far as how I am feeling... well, that's a different story. Still contracting. Really ready to hit that 36 week mark. Ready to be full on nesting! I am still having quite a few contractions since being discharged from the hospital. What makes me uncomfortable is how uncomfortable and strong they have become. Now when I have a contraction, it's like, "whoa! I'm having a contraction!" And the crampy feeling is just like real labor.

Next week at my 34 week appointment, we will have him perform another Fetal Fibronectin test. If it's negative, we are going to Florida with my family. That would be the best way to end bed rest! I am praying it all works out. If it's positive, we are trying to make back up plans. Maybe a trip to Tulsa or Branson, so the kids aren't completely devastated. They are still going to be very, very sad. But it's better than us going no where.

Update over and out.

Labor and Delivery... again : (

I was back at L&D again last night. After spending the day in NWA looking for a vehicle and playing with cousins, I started contracting on the way home. By 5pm they were pretty bad. I felt like if I could just take some magnesium, drink a bunch of water and get to child birth class, I would be ok. I took the magnesium and showed up to class late. I drank 2-3 bottles of water while I was there, but nothing was changing. At the end of class, I decided it was time to take my procardia and head home. I hopped into a warm bath at home with epsom salt added and just tried to relax. I kept drinking water and the bath felt really good, just didn't stop the contractions. After 2 hours in the bath, I got out and worked to get into bed. I turned on a show hoping to cause some distraction and just relax. I got really sleepy and turned it off. But actually trying to stay asleep made me realize my contractions were coming every 5 minutes. That continued for 20 min and I decided it was time to let the doctor know that I was going to L&D. He agreed that I needed to be monitored. Scot woke Avery and let her know he was going to take me up there and drop me off. I got my bag and a coke and we headed up there. My urine test was negative for infection. The doctor on call decided to have the nurse check me and monitor if there was any change over 2 hours. My cervix was closed but easy to reach. That made me a little nervous, as it is usually very posterior. The contractions continued every 3 minutes for about another hour and then slowed back down to every 5 to 6 minutes. About the time she came to check me, they had gone back to every 3 min. She checked me and this time the cervix was very posterior and hard to check. I felt better about that. I took another dose of Procardia and they let me go home. Scot came and got me and we arrived home about 5am. Everyone was exhausted. Hannah came to help us today and I have slept on and off. I keep contracting and keep taking my meds. I never had a chance to call my OB. But I am trying to decide what the purpose would be. I am doing everything they are telling me to do. They want me back up at the hospital if my water breaks, obviously, or I just keep having problems keeping the contractions away. Whenever I sit up, I have a lot of pressure. And thankfully, my contractions are coming but not consistent. The pain of them has picked up this week. I may have to buy some wine. That is one thing I haven't tried yet, but it worked with Aubrey.

Weeding

I have spent most of my week in illness recovery mode. Lots of sleeping, water, and food. I am much better. Now that I am better and my mind is more clear, I find it racing. Racing with things I want to do, get rid of, organize. I know the most important thing I can do is slow down and pray. Read my Bible. But it's 10pm, my eyes are getting heavy.

I went on a rant tonight to my poor husband, who has a tremendous amount of patience for me and my current situation. He listened while I went on to list things that needed to be changed.

1. No more juice. My kids are drinking way too much and it's just empty calories causing the little ones not to eat at mealtime. They will have water and learn to like it. Although, I plan to make it look really appealing with several choices of water. Mint and oranges, strawberries and raspberries, lemon. I am always attracted to that kind of water at spas. They should be too.

2. No more fruit snacks. Such a lie, those "fruit" snacks. It's the first word out of Aubrey's mouth every morning. Ugh!

3. No more junk food. Period. Cheese it's, chips, granola bars. Replacing these choices with nuts, homemade granola, fruit, veggies.

4. A ban on tv and ipod's! Setting strict limits. Even Benji is becoming a tv addict while I'm on bed rest.

5. Making a list of activities that are engaging and stimulating their brains!

6. Devising a commission structure for our girls to earn money here at home. They are big helpers and need to be compensated for the extra special work they do.

7. No skipping vitamins and teeth brushing.

Of course, my list could go on and on. I have clothes to organize and clean out in every one's rooms, I have a baby to prepare for, healthy food that needs to be cooked, a garden I would like to get started, and I am still stuck in bed. I pray this motivation is still there when I get to go back to normal life.

Sore throat got the best of me

It's Saturday, in-laws left yesterday, and I am stuck in bed. I'm not any better from my illness. Talked with Dr. Bell this morning and he called me in a zpack. Hopefully, tomorrow, I will be feeling MUCH better. The weather outside my window is beautiful. I am looking forward to getting some sunshine tomorrow. I am also itching to do a whole bunch of things you can't do on bed rest. Like traveling, planting a garden full of yummy veggies, painting and decorating Brock's nursery. Yes, the list is long. And I can only dream from this bed of mine. And watch Rocky IV. Oh pregnancy, please speed up. My list of Netflix choices is running dangerously low.

Sore throat : (

This is when bed rest really becomes not fun. Illness. I woke up in the middle of the night with the worst sore throat. I can hardly swallow and I am so not looking forward to trying to sleep tonight. The second night always seems to be worst than the first. What I am so grateful for is HELP! So thankful Brittney is here today. She's my favorite helper because I love her so much and she's my sweet, adopted daughter who is now married that I don't get to see enough. How's that for a run on sentence. That's what you get when I'm sick. Everyone in this house adores her and that just makes for a really smooth day. I pray this illness ends soon. Brock is growing despite my illness. His kicks are more forceful and more often. There's lots of rolling and stretching going on and tons of hiccups! So cute!

Almost 30 weeks...

It's Friday and on Friday's I always get excited. The weekend is here and this pregnancy, weekends always signal a week ending for me. ?? I know, right. Well, Monday, I will be 30 weeks. I can't begin to express how excited I am about that milestone! If Brock were born after 30 weeks, his chances are so much better than they have been up till now. I plan on cooking him the WHOLE 40 weeks. So still hanging out in the bed and still taking my meds. I haven't had to take my Procardia in 4 days, just magnesium. I'm so happy about that. The Procardia makes me feel so sick and gives me awful headaches. I had a doctor appointment yesterday that went really quickly because Dr. Bell had to get to L&D for a c-section. I have never had such a fast appointment. I was only there 20 min from start to finish. The baby is measuring perfect and his heart rate was 170. It was up because I had just had a contraction. Had a pelvic check and the cervix is still closed. Yay!

Abby had to go see Dr. Wilkinson yesterday for asthma issues. We haven't had to deal with those issues for about 3 years. Poor girl just can't stop coughing! Thankfully we have her on her inhalers again and a nasal spray and she will see the allergist in 2 weeks. She feels so much better today and got a good night's sleep.

Today is Avery's 12th birthday! Wow! I have a 12 year old. I can't believe how big and grown up she seems. It is all very bittersweet. I am so thankful to the Lord for the way I see Him working in her life, nurturing her, and growing her. I am also sad to see time passing so quickly. I have to stop and just live in this moment, knowing if I spend too much time focused on how fast it's going, I will miss the present. As a 12 year old privilege, she got to start shaving with a razor. She is so happy and again, I am so sad. My mom came this week to help me on bed rest and took her for coffee at Starbucks. Oh yes, she is 12! Last weekend, she had her movie themed friend sleepover and tonight she is having just one friend over. She basically has gotten a birthday week. She loved her ring that she received from us and Scot said their talk and date went really well and was very sweet.

I was so grateful to have my mom here for a few days. It's so nice because having your mom just makes things simpler. Not to mention the kids only wanted her and were happy all the time because she was here. That is the biggest mental and emotional break ever! Things have been very difficult for her this year and I was so thankful she had a few days to come.

Bed rest lessons I've learned so far:

1. While the word rest is there, it's not the kind of rest you imagine.

2. You can still feel very tired and exhausted, despite all your bed resting.

3. I can get a lot more homeschooling done from the bed. Who knew?

4. If I had a home helper everyday, and was off bed rest, I could accomplish a million things.

5. God doesn't want me to accomplish a million things. : (

6. Trusting Him when times are hard is the true test of faith.

7. He is always faithful, even in the smallest details.

8. Bed rest is HIS plan, not the doctor's plan or the circumstances. (this is a huge lesson for me)

9. He loves me, loves this baby, loves my husband and our other kids.

10. This season is part of a bigger plan.

11. Be in the moment.

12. Don't consider this time wasted.

Our Anniversary!

I often will take a long absence from this place. Mental block, emotional block? I don't know. I just know there are times I feel like documenting, flushing out feelings, remembering the little things, and then other times no interest at all. I'm still not feeling it. But I am forcing myself to write a little here and there in hopes the desire will return. There's a lot to write about.

Starting with... today's our 15th wedding anniversary. 15 years! Like, I feel so old and I feel like I've been married so long and yet when I am celebrating my 25th, I know I will be thinking 15 was nothing. The truth is, 15 years is something. Every year a marriage survives in this sinful world is nothing short of a miracle. God's wonderful blessing. Through every trial and difficult time in our marriage, and there have been many, He has been there with His healing touch to smooth out our rough edges, calm our fears, restore the peace. I learned several years ago in an awesome book, that God's design for marriage isn't to make us happy but to make us HOLY. I cannot tell you how that one statement changed my life, my marriage, the way I look at difficulty and controversy in my marriage. I see every thing in a different light. And it's changed me. When I am at my boiling point, ready to throw the towel in, or worse throw something at him, I am reminded by that one simple statement. I ask myself, "I am open to letting God make me Holy or am I only interested in being happy?" Wow, has that done wonders for me and my HAPPINESS in my marriage. Somehow when I focus on God using this marriage to make me Holy, He made me happy and content and ok with controversy and problems. I have to say the past 5 years of our marriage have been the best so far. When people talk about marriage getting sweeter and sweeter with time, they are right!

Happy Anniversary babe! I love you!

A Rose

She rushes in breathless from church, clutching a deep red rose.

"Guess what mom! God didn't make us diamonds because diamonds are flawless. That is why he made us Rubies. Rubies are flawed. Did you know that mom? God made us with so much value, like Rubies. But not like diamonds, because if we were diamonds we would be flawless and we wouldn't need Him. While our teacher was telling us that, it really hit me. I mean, it made so much sense. I don't want to be flawless. I need God."

Oh how hearing that makes my soul sing. To watch my girl, clutching that rose, but more importantly, clutching His Word. Watching her eyes twinkle with revelation. Seeing His truth burn into her heart. Isn't that every mother's prayer? Lord, please speak to my child. Let her know your love, your truth. And when God answers a prayer like that, you just want to jump and shout. Praise Him! He is good!

As I daily fail to impart His wisdom, love, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control to my children, He does it without me. And I praise Him! He sees my fallen state. He sees my inward scars that lash out at my family. He also intimately hears my cry to be relieved of this sinful soul. Lord, please don't let them perish because of me. Please work in their lives in spite of me. And He does! I praise Him!

REVEALED!

It's a BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are so overjoyed, over the moon, ecstatic, jumping up and down, and just every other thing you can think of. We feel incredibly blessed and undeserving to be raising another boy. The reveal party was perfect!

More details and pics of that coming soon. ; )

What A Day!

The morning started with an appointment with my OB, Dr. Bell. It was time for my 18 week check up and my big ultrasound. Yesterday was so long!! I thought today would never get here. The ultrasound was exciting and nerve wracking all at the same time. Since my sister's experience, I have been anxious to hear that everything appears normal with our nugget. And it was. So far the baby looks great. All fingers and toes. All it's organs appear to be growing and functioning so far. I was so relieved. The baby cooperated and we were able to tell what it was! We are going to do a gender reveal Saturday with some yummy cake. Scot really wants the kids to cut into the cake to see either pink or blue icing. My sweet friend, Michelle, is cooking up a yummy cake for us. Now, I can't wait for SATURDAY! We got some beautiful pictures of the baby. I can't believe the cute picture of the baby sucking it's thumb. The baby's heart rate was 144 and it weighed 9 ounces. I got some reassuring news from the doctor about the birth. He said that it was my show and he was comfortable with my wishes. He also said if he wasn't on call he would come in! That was so comforting! It has been my biggest worry. And he said my and Scot's favorite statement, "I hate inductions." Praise the Lord! That is so rare now. It's almost never heard. No doctor says he loves inductions, but they are quick to point out all it's benefits and how long they will let you stay pregnant and how many have gone well. Blah, blah, blah. My doctor just came right out and said, "I hate inductions. I would rather come in and see you at 3am then spend all day on an induction." Oh, God has blessed me.

Now, I am sitting in a hotel room with Abby. We are in Plano for her evaluation with Little Giant Steps. We had a yummy dinner at Cheesecake Factory, but I am wishing I had tums and something for my leg cramps right now!

Night, night!

Week 18

I am having a terrible fibromyalgia flare up today. I don't feel good at all. EVERYTHING hurts. I hate feeling this way. My kids and husband hate me feeling this way and I wish so much there was a quick fix or a magic pill. But only time makes this better. I don't have much time to get better. Maybe that's how I got this way in the first place. It has been rough recovering from the eventful arrival of Crew and three nights of not sleeping on a hospital couch. I felt like the weekend would help me, but sadly I woke up this morning in a tremendous amount of pain. I wasn't anticipating this at all.

On top of the flare up, I am contracting and cramping a lot. I don't know if it's a UTI, but I need to figure it out soon. I don't want to end up in the hospital for sure.

Thursday, I have to drive to Plano, TX for Abby's evaluation. And I am a total failure this year when it comes to therapy. I have no idea what they are going to say. I don't want to explain what my year has been like. I really don't. I pray she just does awesome on her evaluation and I don't have to say anything. Can someone do awesome when they haven't been doing the work? I hope so!

Baby belly is getting bigger. I finally can feel the baby moving. That started last weekend when Crew was born. The nurse on the postpartum floor also let us use the ultrasound machine! That was fun and perked up my sister's spirits. Unfortunately, the quality wasn't that great and the screen really small so I couldn't determine the gender. It's just a small portable machine used to determine position. Head up or down? But it was fun to see the baby bigger and moving all around.

This Thursday is our big ultrasound at the OB's office. We will find out the gender and then do a big reveal with the family on Saturday. We are going to have them find out by cutting into either a pink or blue cake. It will be fun keeping it secret for a few days. Not for them. : )

The unexpected

We had all been waiting anxiously for my sister's baby to arrive. Crew Everett. We just recently attended her baby shower and ooohhed and aaahhhed over all sorts of adorable clothes. It had been a completely normal pregnancy. Only a few contraction scares here or there. But nothing could have prepared us for his birthday.

Last Friday, with babysitter all arranged, I woke up early and excited to drive to Mercy Hospital in Rogers for my sister's induction. I wasn't thrilled about her choice to induce, but super excited I could be there for her when the baby came. I got to the hospital about 10:30 am. Her pitocin was at 8 and she had recently got her epidural. She was only about 2 1/2 to 3cm. Baby was high and her cervix still 60% effaced. I prayed the epidural relaxed her enough to dilate quickly but that didn't seem to be the case. Instead, I saw a baby in distress. His heart rate kept decelerating and nurses kept popping in and out. I was beating most of them to the punch, turning my sister to her side, putting an oxygen mask on her. But I didn't control the pitocin. It really needed to be turned down. Thankfully, the dr. agreed that the baby wasn't tolerating this at all. Her pitocin continued to be turned down until finally it was turned off completely to give the baby a break. We found that if Marie stayed on her left side the baby's heart rate would get better. Her water had been broken a long time before and it seemed to be contributing to the baby's distress, so by the time late afternoon came the dr. decided it was time for an amnio infusion. The amnio infusion helped so much they were able to start the pitocin again. At 8:30pm, after a very long labor, Marie was able to start pushing. I was so relieved and excited for her to be at this point. The pushing began, and immediately it wasn't going well. The baby's heartbeat started dropping again and the pushing didn't seem to be doing anything. Marie was pushing with all her might, position changes were made and after 2 hours of pushing the dr. declared, arrested descent and ordered an emergency c-section.

Clennton and Marie asked if I would go back with Marie to her c-section. I gowned up, camera ready and headed back when they came to get me. The surgery had begun when I arrived and the OR was fully staffed with 2 OB's, a pediatrician, 1 nursery nurse, 1 respiratory therapist, an anesthesiologist, 2 scrub tech's, and the OB nurse. It was a houseful. I reassured Marie. Held her hand, stroked her head, and told her what was going on. The OB finally got to the baby and had to use a stool to stand on. The baby's head was lodged down in the pelvis. He got his head unstuck and pulled him out. I quickly saw him hand the baby over to the nursery nurse and they began their duties to the baby. The baby was surrounded so I only caught a glimpse of his face here and there. He was crying and pink. That was the good news. Finally, the pediatrician took a step to the side and I caught a glimpse of his face. It didn't look good. And then I saw it. Something was wrong with Crew. The pediatrician kept looking near his leg and I couldn't figure out what it could be. I finally asked if I could come see the baby. The room grew very quiet and the staff all looked concerned. I said, "I'm a NICU nurse. I can handle it." The dr then nodded that I could come over. He whispered his thoughts to me. This looked like bladder exstrophy and the penis was underdeveloped. My heart fell. My poor sister. This was not going to be an easy fix and he most definitely was not going to be staying with her. I turned to her and told her how beautiful and cute he was. I then told the dr that he had to tell her. She would know that I know something is wrong and I wanted him to be the one to tell her. I told him I could digest the information for her. He walked over and spoke very quietly to her. I went around to the other side and the nursery nurse brought us the baby. We laid Crew next to her face and Marie cried and kissed him. I reassured her that everything was going to be ok. He was pink and breathing and his heart sounded wonderful. All the important things were working. He was alive. Marie asked me to follow the baby back to the NICU. Crew weighed 7lbs. The dr spoke to the team at Children's Hospital in Little Rock and now I had the unfortunate task of telling Clennton and all the family that was waiting.

I can't even really describe what that was like, other than to say, it was very painful and very hard. I tried to stay upbeat and informative. Put on my nurse's hat, as I had done so many times before. It was painful when the people on the receiving end are related to you and their hurt is your hurt.

It was a long weekend. Crew was airlifted to Children's. Clennton drove. My parents drove and I stayed at the hospital with Marie helping her recover until Monday when she was reunited with Crew at home. He is at home awaiting surgery. Eating and sleeping and looking so cute.