Filling in the gaps...

It seems I've been doing a lot of that lately. Gap filling. All these holes in my life, my heart, my head, my memory. And then the holes in this blog. What can I say about these holes? Especially, when I know what the holes represent. They represent a whole other part of me. A part I often feel reluctant to share or verbalize with anyone, but especially myself. I am not sure I want to fill those holes. And then that's what they become. Holes. I forget very important, very life changing, life altering events. They become part of someone else's life. Not my own.

9/11/01-I remember watching the first tower on fire in my living room in my house in Lowell. Avery was one. She was asleep. Scot was at work. I sat in front of the tv all day watching the tragic events unfold. What I don't remember... the hole from that event? A very big thing to forget. My husband was to be in New York city that day, on that street, right near Ground Zero. How does one block that kind of information from their memory? I have a knack for it. For it wasn't until today, that my husband recounted the events for me, did these memories float to the surface. How at the last minute, his trip was canceled by the bank in New York because they weren't quite ready for the conversion. How the night before 9/11 we were at a football game at the U of A. And the next day, shocked and stunned that he and my brother were not there in harms way. And how a week and an half later, my husband and brother were standing as close as allowed to Ground Zero, me on the cell phone, as they told me what they saw. The most disturbing scene besides the massive destruction, all the missing posters. Everywhere you looked, thousands and thousands of posters. People looking for their loved ones. In late 2001, we would become pregnant with our second child. Her due date.... 9/11.