2 minutes

It's Saturday morning, sweet little bunny girl is playing beside me on the bed. She really wants to be getting a hold of the computer, but is settling for appropriate baby toys. Oops. Spoke to soon. Off to the exersaucer for her.

I have to get a post out. My brain is jumbled and my mommy heart aches with all the goodness of motherhood. When I don't spill out all this fullness of motherhood, I don't have the opportunity to go back on the really bad days and remind myself what it's all about. Because it's good. Really good. Being a mommy that is. Even though I have completely lost my body to stretch marks and flab, it's TOTALLY worth is. And just when I wonder, when the work gets overwhelming and the rewards are few, something remarkable happens. It's always small. There are never fireworks and kids being so obedient. No way. It's kids crying in the night, complaining of stomach aches and allergies. It's babies, who you thought were asleep for the night suddenly crying out for an unusual 1 am feeding. Or a little boy, and his yummy blonde hair, and his sweet tiny voice calling, "daddy, daddy," in the middle of your movie! And the daddy says, "just let him cry. He's ok. He just wants to sleep with us."

And suddenly, the mommy who used to say those things. The mommy who had VERY strict rules about what babies would be allowed to do and not do, and even stricter rules about when and where babies would sleep, is suddenly saying, "are you sure? He just feels safe here. He doesn't see you all day. He just wants to snuggle between us. Can you blame him?"

Daddy says, "what's wrong with you? You never used to be like this?"

As I lay there, my mommy heart suddenly feeling ripped open by blonde boy's sweet little calling, "mommy, mommy," I realized the old mommy was gone. Actually, young mommy was gone. Young mommy with all her easy fixes and answers to baby life. Sure, I've kept the keepers. But most just lies in a junk pile. Because this old mommy has learned that babies are babies for about a whole 2 seconds, and if I only have 2 seconds why would I ever want to waste them? Especially, when a certain little blonde boy who sucks his thumb and has opinions about his pj's and is just learning how to pee pee on the potty, wants me?! Wants to wrap his little arms around my neck in the night and play with my hair. And I get to feel that soft little breath on my face. Why in the heck would I let that opportunity pass me by?

After, I informed daddy that past young mommy was dead, he conceded. I went to blonde boy's room, as he tapped his little hands on the crib and called my name so soft. I opened the door and a little tear stained face, sucking back his crying, reached for me and said, "I lay with mommy, in mommy's bed, 2 minutes."

"Ok, for 2 minutes," as I carried him to the warmth, comfort, and safety of our bed. He snuggled in between us. And daddy, who initially was against the whole idea to begin with, was already hugging him and pulling him over to his side of the bed. Yes, we see who has really changed.

And in the morning, with light spilling into the room, I open my eyes to see this sweet little boy, sucking his thumb, soft and sweet and breathing so soft. And the exhausting pregnancy and stretch marks and flab are so TOTALLY worth it!